Kosher Kupcake?

Despite what the rumors say, the state of Maine isn't exactly The American Jewish Homeland. Shops don't close early on Shabbat, mothers whose soul point of existence includes smothering their child in guilt are far and few between, and we don't all head to Tampa once we reach 67 years old. (I know, it's a shunda!)

However, we do have a fun and vibrant little mini-Jew village here in the greater Portland area running about 3,000 strong... not too shabby for a city where many women choose to purchase matzoh as part of a weight loss program. And amongst our army of 3,000, we have a small faction of families who maintain a Kosher lifestyle.

What's kosher? WELL, it's one of the most complicated set of dietary rules you've ever heard of -all dating back to Adam, Eve, and that friggin' apple. (On a side note, Eve was framed... FEMINISTS UNITE!). Kosher laws set forth what foods are consumable by the Chosen Ones (that would be me!) and how to properly prepare them. For an extremely comprehensive list of rules, feel free to take a gander at www.oukosher.org. The Orthodox Union are the Kosher Food Barons of the United States and what they say goes - kind of like the mafia, but instead of putting out hits on our enemies, we revoke their loans.

Here are some kosher basics:
-No mixing meat and dairy... EVER... seriously, you decide to put cheese on that burger and somewhere out there, a fairy dies.
-No pork... EVER... Porky, Wilbur, Babe - all these Hollywood friendly swine are totally safe. To all you anti-semites out there, Jews did not create the Swine Flu, so quit blaming us! Oh, and your shaven head make you look like a penis.
-No shellfish...EVER... this really sucks for those of us in Maine because lobster is one of life's perfect foods. I may or may not have heard a rabbi once say, "G-d had never tried lobster when He made the kosher laws."

If you'd like to know what meats are kosher:
Addax
Antelope
Bison
Cow
Deer
Gazelle
Giraffe
Goat
Ibex
Sheep
**** What the frick is an Addax or Ibex?? Kosher or not, if I've never heard of the animal, I don't plan on eating it. Oh, and how interesting is it that it's okay to eat a Giraffe? How would one go about preparing such meal? Yeah, you're going to think about that question all day!***

What is all this kosher rambling about? WE-ELL, I have it on good authority that there are no kosher bakers in greater Portland. For a bakery to be kosher, it would require Orthodox supervision, proper cleaning of utensils, and no plopping bacon into the middle of the chocolate chip cookies.
On the downside, going kosher is EXPENSIVE - like, ridiculously expensive... like, I would have to ask myself what's more important - eletricity or a cinnamon bun? But if Strong Cupcake were the only kosher bakery around, there could be a nice market. And I do love me some cinnamon buns.